I know it feels as if your needs are never put first. You already have one up on the trials and tribulations that life will throw in your path; you are well equipped to handle anything and everything life has to offer with dignity and gracefulness. Sarah Lyons is a wife and mother of six, including 2-year-old triplets. And the siblings may feel they are not getting the attention they crave. Iâm far away from what I knew. It didnât matter whether they interacted with her or not, she was their first friend and biggest fan. A moment after I left the rocker, my husband settled into it, and we heard the stealthy padding of tiny feet in the hall. Maybe they are at countless doctor appointments, giving out endless medications, preparing special meals or even physically taking care of your sibling. Each day you are being taught one of the most valuable lessons in life. When these feelings develop it is very common for kids to feel guilty that they have these thoughts, causing them to be more upset and resentful. Unfortunately, kids with special needs are often the targets of teasing. As a teacher of adolescents, I taught Romeo and Juliet for years. They donât get how small they are in the big world; they donât get how small lifeâs moments are in the span of a lifetime. To My Sweet Boy- An Open Letter to a Special Needs Sibling. I bet itâs not easy being you. I see it already and you just started kindergarten. However, only one of you is responsible for being ⦠I see everything you are doing for your sibling and I am so proud of you. Parents should talk with each child as they mature and keep lines of communication opened so nothing gets bottled up. Growing up in an upper-middle-class area, I thought that was the norm as well. If it were easy, fathers would do it,â The Golden Girls. I see your compassion, kindness, and sensitivity towards others. She is passionate about sharing her fatherâs journey with cancer and bringing attention the difficult path a caregiver must walk. As a working parent, I realized... My last baby is running now, and heâs not slowing down. And it wasnât long after I had my first son I realized. She is also a guest blogger for The Huffington Post. You see the love your parents have for your special sibling, and itâs being embedded into your heart. Some kids may feel pressure to “live up” to their parents’ expectations for themselves and for the sibling that may never reach certain milestones. But we always volunteered at church activities, collected canned goods, donated old clothes to Goodwill. If you feel that these feelings are becoming a problem, consider seeking professional help to support your child’s development in a healthy way and encourage an appropriate relationship between your children. Development of dependability, loyalty, and compassion. Develop compassion and empathy for others. Youâll see that youâre contributing to his or her well-being. Being a sibling of a special needs person is a unique and sometimes challenging experience but most people will tell you they have benefitted from the experience. ⣠I can see my teacher singing on the screen, but sometimes she just disappears. I see you. There are times you have to deal with more than any kid should. All of these qualities are wonderful and valued in our society. Being the sibling of a special needs child can add to your childâs personal strengths. I love how the love you have for your sibling is brighter than all the stars in the sky. Children who have a sibling with disability are often more caring and kind, sensitive and responsive to the needs of others, tolerant and compassionate, mature, responsible, independent and empathetic.Theyâre also unlikely to take their own good health for granted. Am I standing still? Both times, she was elated. âThese are the siblings who are the most likely to have problem⦠When the siblings reach adulthood, one sibling may be expected to take on increased responsibility as a caregiver. There are many positives for your child in having a sibling with disability. She has written guest articles for the National Foundation of Swallowing Disorders, The Mighty & Her View From Home. Kids may act out, become overly emotional, or appear aloof to what is going on around them. And her excitement and love didnât stop once they arrived. Every single moment of the day it is being embedded into your heart and soul. Before I had kids, I thought people were exaggerating when they said this. I indulged myself and stared at him while he wasn’t looking, and I’ll admit: I was a little in awe. But you canât indulge on junk food because you know your sibling canât and you donât want to rock the boat. “There are 940 Saturdays before your baby turns 18, and 260 of them are gone by his 5th birthday.” The blurb was on the side of a page, near an ad selling some sort of baby product I’ve since forgotten. 5 Ways To Connect With Your Kids Right Now. As a parent, try to be understanding and patient about your child’s jealous feelings. Feb 15, 2016. How to Support Special Needs Siblings. First, it is important to remember that sibling rivalry and feelings of jealousy are normal in any sibling relationship. They may not be able to express their feelings the same way that an adult would. “Siblings often feel guilty about any negative feeling such as jealousy,” says Hupp. As a parent, it helps to think of the long-term benefits and help your child shape their challenges into successes. Positive aspects of having a sibling with special needs. Itâs joyful. She rubbed my belly excitedly, lovingly participated in the decoration of their nurseries, and embraced everything about being a big sister. The bond you have is everlasting. To my fellow siblings of children with special needs: Iâm going to give you some unsolicited advice. Having a sibling with special needs is a reality many children are born into, including my three typically developing children. The advantages of having a sibling with special needs are making you a more empathetic, more responsible and more resilient human being. Invite friends round when the disabled child is away. When youâre a kid everything in life seems so much bigger. Iâm holding onto him as long as I can. How have we arrived here so quickly? Some studies by therapists have shown that children who have siblings with functional diversity arenât less well adjusted. You are quietly observing the unconditional love your parents have for your sibling (and you). The love, appreciation, and compassion they feel towards their sibling can be mixed up with jealousy, worry, resentment, fear, responsibility, and anger. Siblings of volatile children tread a thin line between friend and enemy in the minds of their brothers and sisters. The curve of his hair over his forehead, his long fingers holding the wrapping paper taut. So youâre the sibling to someone with special needs. A variety of positive characteristics develop. You are a beautiful soul with so much love to give. When children are around a sibling with serious medical challenges, lowered immunity, or special needs, kids may feel worried or afraid about the health of their sibling. I love how you play and are creating precious memories together. Throw into the mix a sibling or two and now you are managing several different worlds of need. But according to Dr Janine Coates, senior lecturer in Psychology at Nottingham Trent University, research has shown that siblings of disabled children tend to experience higher levels of stress, loneliness and depression. I hope you will remember this letter when times get emotional or difficult. Fun fact: Sheâs obsessed with her Boston terrier Diesel and loves the color blue. Even if they are the younger sibling and have never experienced life any other way, seeing their friendsâ lives may cause comparison and feelings of grief as they age. She is also the proud sister-in-law to Kara, an adult with Cerebral Palsy, who is a important part of her family. All because you are an amazing sibling of a child with special needs. Parenting Siblings of a Child with Special Needs: A Conversation with Experts from St. Davidâs Center for Child and Family Development When parents have a child with special needs, they often find that much of their time and energy goes into caring and advocating for that child. Dear Son, You are the sweetest 10-year-old and I am thankful every day that I was the lucky mother chosen for you. Parents can take heart as they think of the long-term benefits that will enrich their children and help them learn to shape their challenges into successes. You are wise beyond your years. âSiblings are too important to ignore because no one logs more hours and minutes with special needs children than their brothers and sisters, with the exception of ⦠And I’m not ready. Proven techniques to build REAL connections. Maybe you have walked into your parents arguing, frustrated or crying over your siblingâs health. I would most certainly agree that being a sibling of a special needs child does make you grow up a bit faster and have more responsibilities than your average kid but if anything that just helped shape who I am today and I canât say thatâs a bad thing. After years of watching someone they love get teased, siblings of special needs kids will naturally develop a strong sense of loyalty to those they care about, as well as a strong sense of compassion towards others. As each person is different, kids have a variety of feelings related to their sibling with special needs. They need to talk to someone who wonât judge them for being jealous of their sibling with special needs. I see how awesome you are. Special needs siblings need someone to focus on them. They may realize how much they are missing out on. Itâs hard work. How are empathy and compassion this hard to teach to a 5-year-old? Parents can help their kids work through this challenge by equipping them with the right answers to those awkward questions and teaching them how to handle bullying in an appropriate way. She loved them fiercely. You will mature much faster than your friends and as you continue to grow up, you will exhibit compassion that astounds others. Parenting can be a wild and wonderful journey: Weâre responsible for another living beingâs health, welfare, and happiness. Caring for a child with special needs often involves large doses of individualized attention. A child with special needs (or as some parents and children would rather call it: a disability) can be a very demanding job for parents. RELATED: They Tell You To Hold the Baby, But No One Warns You How Fast He Grows And heâs just about outgrown his crib. We’re always welcoming new writers. Encourage siblings to develop their own social life. Youâre just a kid yourself trying to figure out where you belong in this great, big world. Sometimes you [â¦] He turned his head and said, “Oh, it’s you, Papa.” His face fell, his body relaxed, and a mixture of disappointment and relief played... My son was about three months old when I came across the blurb in a magazine. But thereâs one thing itâs not. If you are the parent of a child with special needs you definitely feel the stress of being pulled in many directions on a daily basis. Dear Special Needs Sibling, Itâs not easy being you. Itâs purposeful. RELATED: Motherhood is My Greatest JoyâBut Itâs Still Hard I mean thereâs the nighttime feedings, the bottle sanitizing, the consolingâthe... My daughter clutched her piggy bank tightly as we walked into the store. most of my childhood i felt as if my nannies were the ones who brought me up, as my brother needed all the attention from my parents. i found this and instantly was grateful for your words. I hope you will always remember you are loved beyond measure and destined for greatness. They were right. RELATED: The Nights Are So Long I scrambled to my feet, grabbed my kitchen scissors, cut out the words, took a magnet, and put them front and center on my fridge. A sibling with Special Needs is no different than a sibling without Special Needs⦠Theyâre just a little bit different. Kids may feel they get less attention, or that their parents spend more time caring for the sibling. Please let me explain why. Yesterday I sat at my dining room table across from my 16-year-old, watching him wrap a Christmas present. Kids who are exposed to someone with medical and developmental challenges naturally become more compassionate and empathetic to those who may have their own struggles. When I was younger, I was told that my sister was Special Needs because she was a special gift to my family. We watched, waited, and around the corner crept a wide-eyed toddler. As adults who’ve life experienced love and heartbreak, we might roll our eyes at the drama of Romeo and Julietâs love, but I always used this story to remind my students I understood that, for them, first love would feel so much... 2020âwhat a strange year! But I know youâre destined for greatness. Being the sibling of a child with special needs is not easy. Reassure your child that he or she cannot "catch" a condition like cerebral palsy, and that nothing either child did created the condition â it is no one's "fault." Just as parents of special needs children often need time to grieve, siblings need to grieve in their own ways too. They may not be able to express their feelings the same way that an adult would. When children are around a sibling with serious medical challenges, lowered immunity, or special needs, kids may feel worried or afraid about the health of their sibling. “One of the biggest challenges in growing up with my sister was watching her get laughed at,” says Justin Lyons, brother of Kara, who has cerebral palsy. You see the patience they exhibit when caring for him or her, and itâs being buried into your soul. Motherhood is a lot of things. The older sibling of a child with autism may be frustrated when parents' attention is pulled to a younger sibling with special needs. None of these feelings are fun to talk about and often result in guilt causing the children to feel even more resentment to the sibling because they have these negative feelings. I see you rising up at every opportunity. Itâs fulfilling. You are going to be a kind, compassionate, awesome individual who inspires others and creates change for the better in all of us. 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